Many of you have followed my personal journey towards health. For those that don’t know, a life-changing chronic illness knocked me for six in 2018 and just for good measure that led to other chronic illnesses being joining in the fun . To be clear, life is waaaay better than it was, and I’m working hard to eliminate those that can be exited, but several are here to stay and will just need to be managed throughout my life.

But, this blog isn’t about being ill, it’s about the lessons I’ve received every day since.

I’M LEARNING TO BE KIND TO LENA.

That sounds simple enough doesn’t it? I promise you, it’s been nothing of the sort.

Sometimes, when you look back at a s**t experience, you realise the universe was trying to tell you something. In my case, it was telling me to slow the f*** down; to take care of myself mind, body and soul. In essence I needed to be kinder to Lena, to notice what was going on in my life and make the necessary changes or things were not going to improve.

People talk about having a ‘good work/life balance’. We all get what that means, but in essence, for me that’s just life. When you run your own business, your work and personal life bleed into each other. I struggle to turn off my brain. Only the other day on FaceTime back home to New Zealand, my dear Dad said “I think the reason you’re always chatting so much, isn’t because you love the sound of your own voice, it’s because there’s so much going on at super-speed in your brain, chatting’s the only outlet for all the chaos in there isn’t it?” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point).

I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but my brain is never ‘logged off’, even when I’m having a ‘bad head day’ and struggling with neurological mis-fires like being unable to find the correct word (I am not used to that), short-term memory losses (think Dory the fishy from Finding Nemo) etc. It’s constantly creating a million ideas and there's a million issues and solutions bouncing around in there. It’s exhausting and likely the reason I suffer with the severest insomnia imaginable. (When I’m manic it can be no sleep or on a good day 2-3 hours a night, add in the 31 times an hour I stop breathing due to severe sleep apnea and is it any wonder, my body said. “F*** you, I’m going to make you rest for many many months”.

That rest was great for my body, but it took its toll on my mental health. An extrovert cooped up for months at a time was torture. It’s for this reason that mental health awareness week is a cause I am really passionate about, it was for this reason I agreed to be guest speaker at the second QOB Ltd event hosted by my dear friend Lukas Almassy. The topic was Work/Life Balance and as it was a Q&A, I thought you might all appreciate my synopsis of what came out of that discussion:

Question 1: Please give us an overview of what getting your work/life balance wrong looked like for you?

Answer 1: It’s a complicated answer but let’s see if I can bullet point it for you.

My Family owned their own businesses, the patterns of working long hours and life/work being one were set early
From day one of my adult working life I began to form a pattern of overwork, I can remember being taken out of the office in a wheelchair having fainted with the doctor concluding it was due to overwork and stress (you would have thought I would have learned my lesson there an then right? Nope!)
Throughout my working life and into the corporate career, the pattern of overwork and stress continued. My agency new business roles in particular were a killer. It was normal to:
- work 80-90-hour weeks
- forgo weekends and cancel personal stuff
- live on adrenalin
- eat terribly…if at all
- I remember managing one pitch where that went on for months and finally decided I was done after working mental hours for months it crescendo’d into a working day that went from 8am one day to 6am the next morning only to be then back at my desk at 9.30am…nuts when I now think about it.
And when I started my own business in 2014, it started all over again, I still hadn’t learned, in hindsight, my body was telling me then something wasn’t right, but I continued as planned.
Long term, the impact of stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, and partying to much was brutal on my physical and mental health. My body continued to try to tell me, I continued to ignore.
In the end, my body stopped hinting, and yelled at me…loudly. The consequence of decades of self abuse and ignoring my body was
   a) 10 chronic illnesses I now need to manage (most are never going to leave)
   b) 12 months in bed
   c) 4.5 years of recovery (which I am still navigating)

Question 2: You’ve had a career AND owned your own businesses, is the work/life balance different for those two scenarios?

Answer 2: In short yes it is. Here’s how they differ

Career – I’ve taken some time to analyse this and for me, in your career you are dealing with a lot more stress from others, things you don’t have as much control over as you do in your own business. There is a mix of external and internal expectations, but I found a lot more stress came from the external i.e. bosses, badly managed/behaved clients. But for me there was always a line, an opportunity, should I want to take it, to switch off, because it wasn’t my business.
Own business – Anyone that’s left a corporate career to start their own company will no doubt agree that a lot of freedom comes from running your own thing, but it also comes with a whole lot of new, different stresses and ups and downs that are different to those you get working for someone else. For me work/life just became life. You have a lot more to think about, manage and worry about (I’m a massive worrier). And it’s way harder to switch off when the responsibility of it all sits on your shoulders.

Question 3: What have you had to change since finding out about your chronic illnesses?

Answer 3: I’d like to focus on the mental and physical adjustments I’ve had to make to my work and my life in general. I have had to break a lifetime of bad habits and have had to work hard to adjust my mindset on many things:

I now try to think about myself and what I need ahead of everything else. Ahead of my business, my clients, my friend, my ambitions and and even money to a certain extent.
I’ve changed my whole way of living and being. I now try to be more mindful, aware of what’s going on inside me and around me. Slowing everything down has been hard, it feels natural to run at life a million miles an hour, I simply can’t do that anymore.
I’ve refocused my priorities drastically, figuring out what really matters and what doesn’t has been a big thing. I used to think being a highly ambitious, successful business person was everything. Now it’s being content and happy with the simple things in life.
I do not find this easy, but learning to ask for help when I need it, from my loyal, caring friends, my amazing network of clients, strategic partners, ‘inner circle’, NZ Business Women’s Network and wider community, and also from my amazing holistic physical and mental health supporters.

Question 4: What does balance look like for you with work and other parts of your life?

Answer 4: Great question, I think it’s three main things that form the foundation of balance for me.

Slow down - I’ve coined a phrase which I use all of the time for myself and those I work with… “SLOW DOWN TO SPEED UP”. Whenever I was feeling overwhelmed or anxious, instead of taking a breath, I would double down and work longer and harder. I’ve learned that when I feel anxious or overwhelmed I need to fight that urge and remove myself form the ‘speed up’ mode fast. Normally I take a nap, go for a walk or just get up and do something as mundane as do the washing or load the dish washer. It works I promise.
Listen to my body - for decades I ignored it’s whispers, it’s shouts and eventually it’s screams - look where it got me. Now I try to listen, I am now way more connected to my body (I don’t always get it right, but I’m trying.) I stop when I need to. I rest when I need to. I visit my fab acupuncturist Ben Carrigan and chiropractor Dr Ari Mihailidis as much as I can afford to (both game changers for my mental and physical health by the way - can’t recommend both of them enough) and I visit my mental health support person (also called Lena) regularly when I need her.
Learn to say no - I used to be one of those people that said “yes” to every event, invite, meeting and deadline. Now I am very OK saying “No” if I think it will put my health (mental or physical) at risk. I am learning to manage my workload better these days. At most it will be a 9-5pm day, usually it’s less to be honest.

Question 5: What practical tips would you give us on how to achieve the right balance?

Answer 5: There are probably loads of things that we can all practically do to help ourselves, but this is what I do to help me keep my life in balance:

Mindset shift - Prioritise yourself over everything. If you’re not mentally or physically well
you are no use to anyone.
Your support network is everything - Look at who’s in your life. Ask yourself, are they the right people? Thank those that are there for you and think long and hard about the toxic ones who should 100% exit your life now, then think about those who might be showing toxic traits but are worth keeping, but require a serious conversation about their behaviour and what you need from your friendship, giving them the opportunity to step up…some will and some won’t. Boundaries are everything. (This is not easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own health and well being.)
Movement – There’s so much research out there on the benefits of movement and exercise not just on your physical well-being but on your mental health as well. Why not:
- get out in nature (I started a new instagram profile called @Flora.Lishus to help me get outside, enjoy nature and take photo’s of flowers and plants. It’s really helping to have a daily focus on movement and doing something creative, which I love.)
- go to the gym
- do thai chi, yoga or Zumba maybe
whatever gets your body and mind strong, healthy and keeps it functioning as a holistic ecosystem of you’ness will be worthwhile.
Eat well - I focus on good nutrition, drinking enough water (I have to admit I really struggle with this one), intermittent fasting (I do 16 hours not eating and have an 8 hour window when I eat). Ultimately try to understand what good food for body, brain and mood looks like. This will be different for everyone, but do the research or visit a nutritionist who will help you figure out what is best for you personally
Essential oils - I burn different oils as general mood management support. I have used a small book called Introducing Aromatherapy by Margrit Bachmann since it was first published in 1996, it has travelled the world with me and I still refer to it to this day.
Get enough sleep – I cannot tell you how much good sleep hygiene is vital for healing and maintaining a healthy mind, body and hormone balance. (This has been one of hardest things for me to manage - even with a sleep clinician helping me I struggle, but it’s what I would most love to fix).
Reduce stress and anxiety – We live in a fast past, always on world, but I find it’s best to not expect too much from yourself. I re-iterate, it’s the ‘too much’ that is the issue. And be really aware of what sets these things off in you. It is different for each of us.
Get a coach or therapist - We all need help and guidance to help navigate our journey or just be a sounding board. I use my lovely therapy lady Lena as a sounding board, she knows I can figure out the solutions myself if she is there to guide me. As a coach myself, I put off getting a coach for ages, but it was a great thing for me to do. I needed help with moving from a survival to a thrive mindset. Thanks to the fab. Claire Dorè, who had the guts to take on this bolshy alpha Kiwi Boss Lady, was able to do that fairly quickly for me.
Find moments of joy every day - Everyday I try to reflect on what small, medium or large thing has bought me joy or made me smile that day. It’s really important to be thankful for the little things in life. I write them in a book and when I get down I go back to the book and realise most of the negativity is mostly BS.
Get a hobby that brings you joy and happiness - I love nature, flowers and being creative. I literally was raised in a plant nursery that my parents had next to my home. They are both amazing horticulturalists and I’m just starting to re-engage with that part of me that I’ve clearly inherited from them both. Photography was always a passion of mine as well and now I am combining both with my instagram fun profile @Flora.Lishus I am having so much fun and it’s keeping me very present with finding joy in life.
Carve out mental headspace for yourself – Whenever I’m overwhelmed it’s usually because I have too much in my head and any interruption whatsoever sends me into a spin. So if you ever get like this how about you go for a walk or a run, pick up a paintbrush or a pencil, pick up a pen an start writing, read for no reason, cook something delicious, do a course where you can , learn something new, listen to a beautiful piece of music, dance your a**e off…whatever it is to get out of your own head do it.

Question 6: Last but not least…What is the one thing you wish you could tell yourself re: living a balanced life if you were back at the beginning?

Answer 6: That is super easy…to treat Lena like she would treat her friends…Be kind to Lena.

Well, that’s my recent interview on gaining a balanced life. I hope it’s been helpful. May you all find the balance you seek and if you ever need someone to help, feel free to get in contact and lets see what I can do for you.